Anger And The 80% Rule
At one time or another all of us have encountered a customer or a co-worker who became angry
as we negotiated with them about business or personal matters. The most successful negotiators
recognize the basis of anger and what to do when they encounter
someone who is angry.
First, it’s important to understand what drives people to anger. There are three primary causes of
anger – fear, hurt, and frustration. People exhibit anger when they are afraid of something, when
they are hurting psychologically for some reason, or when they are simply frustrated.
The customer who becomes angry because she cannot obtain the low, implicit interest rate that her
boss asked her to secure from their bank isn’t angry because of the higher interest rate. That’s just
a number. The cause of her anger is most likely the fear she feels when she contemplates telling her
boss she failed to secure the low interest rate he wanted.
If, for some reason beyond your control, you aren’t able to provide a service to a long-time
customer, he may perceive your failure to help as a sign of his and his company’s diminished
importance to you and your company. The result may be a customer who experiences hurt
feelings. These hurt feelings can manifest as anger directed toward you or your company.
Sometimes people express anger simply out of frustration. I’ve often observed that no one
appears upset, irritated or really angry when things are going their way! When a client or
co-worker faces one too many obstacles in a day, their increasing frustrations may result in
a display of anger directed at anyone within shouting distance.
Although there are three primary drivers of anger, sometimes anger is employed as a manipulation
against others. In some negotiations, like labor contract talks, anger is used by experienced
negotiators as a favorite tactic to coerce, intimidate and threaten the other side. This manufactured
anger has become part of the way the labor contract negotiation game is played.
Whatever the source of someone’s anger, it’s important to remember that your reaction determines,
to a large degree, how the negotiation proceeds and ends. According to research done at the
Harvard Negotiation Project, there is an 80% chance that you can influence, and even control the
atmosphere and tone of a negotiation simply by
exhibiting the type behavior you desire from
your negotiating partners.
If you find yourself negotiating with someone who is angry, or irritated, and you want to control the
tone of the negotiation, don’t buy into their anger or frustration. Instead, remain calm, and listen
carefully to what your negotiation partner says. At some point, in 80% of all cases, your negotiating
partner will calm down and will begin to mirror your calm, restrained behavior. Very few people
will argue with themselves or maintain anger when there is no reaction from the other side of the table!
In tough negotiations, remember the 80% rule. By definition, it doesn’t always work, but knowing
that you have an 80% chance of controlling the tone and atmosphere in any negotiation, simply by
exhibiting the type of behavior you want from your negotiating partners, keeps the 80% rule on
your side.
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Copyright © 2006 Selling Up™. All Rights Reserved.
About the author: Steve Chriest is the founder of Selling Up™ (www.selling-up.com), a sales consulting
firm specializing in revenue and sales improvement for organizations of all types and sizes in a variety of
industries. He is also the author of Selling The E-Suite, The Proven System For Reaching and Selling
Senior Executives and Profits and Cash – The Game of Business. You can reach Steve at
schriest@selling-up.com.
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