Listening With Empathy | Sales Management Articles

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Listening With Empathy

Last month I talked about superb listeners who I know about or know personally. This final
article on listening focuses on what some superb listeners do that distinguishes them from all
the rest.

If you carefully watch some superb listeners you will see that while they exhibit all the
characteristics of superb listening, they also listen with empathy. This ability makes them a
rare breed.

In his book, How The Mind Works, Professor Steven Pinker of Harvard reveals that “The
body is the ultimate barrier to empathy. Your toothache simply does not hurt me the way it
hurts you.” Yet somehow superb listeners who listen with empathy transcend this limitation
and give the impression of feeling the pain from another’s aching tooth.

Listening with empathy seems to come naturally to some superb listeners. They don’t rehearse,
and they don’t prepare to listen with empathy – they just do it naturally. It’s involuntary, like that
certain involuntary look that appears on your face instantaneously, advertising your ancestral
connections to your siblings, your parents and your grand-parents.

Making a conscious effort to convey empathy and sincerity while listening doesn't work. That
effort telegraphs your intentions to the speaker, and it loses the sense of spontaneity and
genuineness conveyed by those who naturally listen with empathy.

So, can anyone learn to listen with empathy? I think anyone can, but the process I recommend
will appear counterintuitive to many people. To become a superb listener who listens with
empathy first requires that I acknowledge that I do not listen with empathy. I may not like this
reality, but it's a fact.

Once I've accepted this fact, I can then remain constantly aware of how I am listening during
conversations. It's in that awareness, that attention to what I am doing, and not doing, that can
bring about a transformation in the way I listen.

Those few among us who listen with empathy are somehow able to exude joy, excitment, sadness,
anticipation, appreciation, acknowledgment, grtatitude - whatever is appropriate to the conversation.
In conversation it doesn't get any better than being listened to by someone who is genuinely
interested in what we are saying, and who listens with sincere empathy.

About the author: Steve Chriest is the founder of Selling Up™ (www.selling-up.com), a sales consulting
firm specializing in revenue and sales improvement for organizations of all types and sizes in a variety of
industries. He is also the author of Selling The E-Suite, The Proven System For Reaching and Selling
Senior Executives and Profits and Cash – The Game of Business. You can reach Steve at
schriest@selling-up.com.