Superb Listeners

I've been impressed with the listening skills of a few people I have heard about or whom I know
personally. Two of the people I want to write about are former President Bill Clinton, and my friend Rob.

Whatever you might think of Bill Clinton's politics or personal habits, observing him in conversation will
confirm that he is a superb listener. While I have never spoken directly to Mr. Clinton, I am aware of
what others who have spoken with him say about their experiences.

Generally, those who have spoken with Bill Clinton all agree that conversing with him is an experience
they won't soon forget. All agree that when they spoke with Mr. Clinton, they had the overwhelming feeling
that they were the only person in the room, and that they had 100% of his attention. I have been told that
when talking with President Clinton, you know he "feels your pain," though he might not have uttered those
words in the conversation!

Anyone who speaks with my friend, Rob, has a similar experience. When you talk with Rob, he leans
ever so slightly forward and looks intently at you as you speak. His eyes never wander to other parts of
the room, and he genuinely appears unaware that anyone else is in the vicinity. There is never a doubt in
the speaker's mind that Rob is listening totally, with complete attention and with every ounce of energy he
can muster.

So, what is it that seems to distinguish superb listeners from the rest of us? First, when you watch them
listen, they appear to be just listening, and not doing anything that interferes with seeing their conversational partner. They do not appear to listen through a screen, darkly. They never give the impression that they
have an image in their minds that has created a screen through which they see and hear the speaker.
Although they may know the speaker, or know something about her, they listen as if they were meeting
her for the first time.

While super listeners are listening, they give the impression there is no one else in the room. All their
attention is focused on the speaker. There are no interruptions, no hint of a wandering mind, and their eyes
never lose their focus on the speaker. I don't know what it's like for them, but for the speaker the feeling
is empowering. There is no sense whatsoever that you are not being heard, and understood, completely.

In observing superb listeners in conversation, I've seen that the people to whom they are listening seem
as absorbed in the conversation as they are. As strange as it may sound, there did not seem to be any
separation between the speaker and the listener. Nothing from the outside penetrated the conversation.

Superb listeners are able, consciously or out of habit, to focus their entire attention on the speaker.
Focusing attention is what is meant by true seeing and true listening. There is no reliance on intention,
effort, or images and memories of the past. There is only attention, like the attention you give, at least
for a brief moment, to the beautiful song of a bird.

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Copyright © 2009 Selling Up™.  All Rights Reserved.

About the author: Steve Chriest is the founder of Selling Up™ (www.selling-up.com), a sales consulting
firm specializing in revenue and sales improvement for organizations of all types and sizes in a variety of
industries. He is also the author of Selling The E-Suite, The Proven System For Reaching and Selling
Senior Executives and Profits and Cash – The Game of Business.   You can reach Steve at
schriest@selling-up.com.